Ti-punch, when fruit punch just won't cut it.

What's that? You can't understand the Wiki definition of ti-punch because it's in French?

Welcome to my world, all day, every day.

..well okay I'm improving, but if I lose focus for two freaking seconds in a conversation, it's like trying to follow a philosophy lecture...'yep, yep, got it, totally, okay...I'm good. Uh-huh, okay...wait. Wait a minute. No, really stop, just hang on a second, I need to go back to - what? Wait, that's what you're talking about? No. No! No, I....oooooohhhh ohkayyyyyyy, I was right with you all along after all! I totally get it! Wait, what? ....what the hell are you saying right now?!! Dammit!"

What can I say, I wanted you to share the experience for a moment. And now for the good stuff: Ti-punch. The chicanition (that's a definition by chica, btw) is:

1. Grab a small glass. I mean small like your Gramma used for prune juice. Trust me.
2. Throw a couple of spoonfuls of pure cane sugar in the glass, give or take some.
3. Squeeze juice of one lime in to the glass, more or less depending on your guts/rhum taste tolerance.
4. Mash sugar and lime juice together extremely well.
5. Take some space shuttle fuel Caribbean rhum (I recommend Pere Labat, but Bologne is common at restaurants)and pour about three ounces into the glass.
6. Take note of the proof - it will be 50 or 59 proof. Consider this for a moment. Take a sip.
7. Enjoy the __________
(insert whatever it is you're enjoying, i.e. the view of the sea, the silence of the lambs as the children sleep, the card game, your friends face since he thought s/he was about to sip something mellow, like punch, regular ol' giant-red-pitcher-mascot punch.)

You won't know how to get there unless you've gone the wrong way at least twice.

I have decided that there is a phenomenon in Guadeloupe (and I might guess on many islands with a similar setup) which is: giving directions by giving every direction aside from the ones you actually need, thereby sending a person precisely where they need to go.

An excerpt of conversation between me and the pirate proving that this exists:

Me: (driving the 'woods' road through the island) "See? I know my way around. I'm good now , huh?"
Pirate: "Yeah, and now, since we took that turn, do you know where we are?"
Me: "Ummmm, yeah, okay, that house over there looks like the back of the house across the street from the little house by the other beach that we didn't rent, but it's not, but it reminds me of it, and makes me remember that I'm not there, but here, after the kind of main road, and before the big part of the woods, and so I know that this is where I stay left to get to that other part of the woods road where the guys live instead of going right because that makes me go to the top of that hill with the school with the white fence near where we went to your friends house that night, and I don't want to go that way."
Pirate: "Exactly! I'm impressed."