Perhaps some ruby red slippers would have helped

Ah the search for a home. To rent. To buy. Peu importe: it's still a hassle to search, find, lose. What's fun though is watching people show you a home they'd like to get commission for renting or selling. I've broken it down to three major types of sellers (keeping in mind this particular list is for renting, not buying) here on the island. I thought I'd post them in case anyone is ever looking in the neighborhood. Y'know, as a guide.

Type NMPWMP:
Also known as: Not My Problem, Where's My Phone.
This type of domicile recommend-er is best know for his/her uselessness beyond the showing of the space, accompanied by utter lack of follow through of any kind. He/she does successfully bring keys to the showing of the space, and will answer questions with some version of 'I don't know but I'll ask', or 'I don't know, and the owner doesn't know either'. NMPWMP will check his/her phone during the home showing constantly, most likely to connect with friends about the days goings-on, entirely unrelated to the showing of the home. NMPWMP is not to be expected to be entirely present at showings, so proceed with caution if asking important questions. NMPWMPs can move quickly or slowly. They come dressed well, and they come dressed in pyjamas while smoking hand rolled cigarettes. This is a slippery one.

Type NKSC:
Also known as: No Keys, Super Cheery
This type of domicile recommend-er is known for his/her cheery disposition. This can lead to an impression of effectiveness, but do not be fooled. Despite the cheery outlook, Type NKSC arrives on site often times without a key to the prospective home, or a code to access the large gate surrounding a residence. Legend says NKSC's have led eager families (including some women in skirts) in climbing tall barriers and peering through windows, all to access a residence without a key. Your viewing of your future home with an NKSC will be pointless: you will view more pictures of the home online than in person. Lesson learned: when you make an appointment to view a home, ask directly if they will have the keys or if the home will be open when you arrive. NKSC needs reminding of this small but important detail. NKSC does not in fact consider it an obstacle to have forgotten keys or codes.

Type ANGD:
Also known as: Appears Nonchalant, but Gets it Done.
This type of domicile recommend-er is best known for leaving you with a feeling of complete confusion. While almost on time for appointments, she/he moves slowly but not with purpose. She/he appears to have all the answers in an acceptable amount of time, and responds to your inquiries via phone within a day of the day promised. This is impressive, and unusual. In spite of all the good timing, ANGD somehow leaves you feeling entirely unsure of the validity of the responses due to her/his nature: nonchalant. One cannot be entirely sure due to the amount of nonchalance if the responses are real, or simply a going through of the motions. Normally in the end, ANGD gets the job done. Sometimes it's too late as your doubt was too much, and you moved on, as one would in a bad relationship. Proceed with minimal amount of caution but maximum amount of patience.

Madamoiselle, Madame, Miss, Ma'am

I worry in my sleep. I have little or no recollection of such worry each morning, but I'm sure of it for a few irrefutable reasons:

1. I grew up with a worrier as a mother.
2. I see the worry line between my eyes is markedly deeper each morning upon waking than it was the night before when I washed my face before bed.
Alas, perhaps my skin, in the middle of my 30's, has changed a bit. Perhaps I appear older than I did in my roaring 20's. Perhaps. The thing with getting older is that you - if you're lucky - do indeed get wiser, yet at the same time, you don't want anyone actually acknowledging the fact that you are older, only that you are wiser....than them, that is..wiser than they are.

In my 20's, if someone, say, in a retail shop, 'ma'am'ed me, I was irritated. Why? Because I worked in retail throughout high school and knew full well that when you 'ma'am'ed someone, the translation was: "You're an annoying customer and you're older than me and you always will be no matter how many fancy-below-Neiman's-price handbags you buy, lady".
And yet somehow, I survived the first instances of 'ma'am'. In my 30's, I'd like to think that I'm a bit less crazy, a bit more relaxed. And yet, when I see The Pirate coiling up into a protective stop-drop-and-roll pose in my times of worry, I think: maybe not.

The other day I was 'ma'am'ed. In French. So it's 'madame'. Sure, it sounds fancy and all, but to me it was clearly a signal of the man recognizing my age, especially since nanoseconds before he had adressed my friend, standing right next to me, as 'mademoiselle'. Seriously?
Now, like any normal worrier, I openly showed my contempt to anyone who within earshot. Classy, right? I was met with a lot of laughter at my level of disdain for 'madame'. I was told by French friends that is a showing of respect, or simply an assumption of ones marital status. I was told my American friends (male) that it's like 'ma'am', and that 'ma'am' holds the same meaning, and has more to do with status than age. I was told by friends both American and French - and female - that they agreed with me entirely and don't like when that happens.

What's the lesson here? Well, I checked dictionary.com for some objective explanation. Admitedly, I only found one definition referring to age:
1.a French title of respect equivalent to “Mrs.”, used alone or prefixed to a woman's married name or title: Madame Curie.
2.(in English) a title of respect used in speaking to or of an older woman, esp. one of distinction, who is not of American or British origin. Abbreviation: Mme.

Okay. So perhaps I stand corrected on this one, a little. What remains true is that most women, in my experience, really dislike being called m'am or madame, because for us as women, it symbolizes age. So there. We don't like it. Then again, what do I want to be called? Miss? Dudette? As I finish writing this I realize that actually, I don't care. Ma'am me if you wish, I'm over it.

want that shirt? go here.

On the shopping list: mice

Since The Pirate was being super sweet: offering to do the weekly food shopping AND wash the car, I supported his efforts in/took passive-aggressive control of the situation by making a list for him. I'm a great girlfriend.
On the list were the standard things: cookies, pasta, toilet paper, boric acid, cockroach spray, shampoo, mice.

Mice?

Well, I was trying to carry on my role as incredibly awesome and never stressed step-mother-like figure by listing some items for Les Monstres which I know they enjoy, like the little smiley faces you can find in your grocers' freezer. They're great in a pinch, with ketchup. Katsup? Anyway...in French the word for smile is 'sourire' and the name for mouse is 'souris'. Being as incredibly advanced beginner as I am in the French language, you can imagine the error in trying to list, and pluralize the word for smile...I speak English, so...I just...changed the ending and added an s. Easy, right? Yah.

If, by some chance, you were in the aisle of Carrefour the other day while The Pirate was shopping with my 'I support you'/passive-aggressive list, surely you witnessed him busting a gut as he came to the tenth item on the list: mice. And you know what the best part is? He totally figured it out.
And that, my friends, is because Pirates are clever.